I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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