I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
