The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
