If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
