this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
