First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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