I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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