Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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