giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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