I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
