operation have a gay friend backfired
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
