i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
