She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
