The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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