It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
