We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
