Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
