i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
