ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
