my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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