so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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