Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
soo... how was my night?
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