Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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