R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
