The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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