remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
