We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
