my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
