i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
