i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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