your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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