i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
