I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
