My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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