We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
