Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
