How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
