Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
