The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
