Your tits are I can't wait for
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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