if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm passing your future prison.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
