I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have fence marks all over my body
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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