Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
