I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
