I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
