i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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