I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
