What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
