I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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