meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
